The Truth VS Looking Good

This topic is so huge at the Indonesian market, I mean almost all the people i knew, they do this. They prefer telling something in someway for one purpose; make that something looks very good on another's perspective. For example: i am sure everyone has done this before; people tends to say "That looks good on you!" when people that you know ask about their new outfit, although deep down in your heart literally you are saying "Oh my God, she/he looks terrible using that outfit." And we don't have the gut to say he truth. That is a very simple example, now can you imagine if that thing might blend in our culture, just because you feel bad to say the truth then the nightmare is now you don't really know when is people tell you the truth or not.

In the family level, when you are telling something to your family in a purpose to make something look good not the truth, at the end of the process it will be okay. Because its family, no matter what you do, you are still part of the family. But always remember this, once you tell your family or other people not the truth, they will create some kind like a BAD perception about yourself, and it is very hard to change that perception.

In the level of friendship, which happens a lot, almost everyday until each one of us needs a best friend. because a best friend will strike you with the truth no matter what. But in my opinion, being a friend supposedly obliged us to tell the truth. But the reality tells that our people do not do that, i am not sure that people actually avoiding conflict, or it is just a habit. But the truth is, this behavior will either hurt you or your friend.

It happens with me a lot, almost everyday, that's why I write this down. Because I feel that this behavior hurt me a lot.

Its been 2 weeks and I haven't finish this post. I think its best for me to start this blogging thing with writing my feelings and my thought and create a good title, rather than finding the topic first and i write about it. its boring.

I Was Mistaken

My dear mind, i am so sorry i was misleading you. At the second time i opened and read my blog carefully, do you know what i've just realized? The last time I wrote, which was the only one entry of the blog, was on November 2009. Can you calculate how many months I missed my life???!! Oh my God!! I feel so bad about this to myself, because I promised to myself that I would write. I feel so sad, because i am the kind of a guy who treats every moment in my life as a memorable one, since I can't turn back time, no turning back, even one split second. I was mistaken that I missed to write for a year and three months and I have to make this right. I have to write.

Did I ever tell you why writing is really important for me?? Beside the turning back time reason, I have several reason that makes me believe that writing is a huge important.

Do you know what is the difference between smart people and the fool one? I know, everybody is smart, because we are all the same in terms of God creatures, God creates us the same. But some people is exploring their mind above the other's effort. That's what I called a smart people. Now, do you know what is the difference between them? For me, i would never know whether someone is smart or not if I don't see their writing. Because writing is some kind like a translation from your brain language, it is what do you have in your brain. Now, we've seen some people is really good in speaking. When people is really good in speaking but they are not writing, its reminded me of, in Indonesia we have this idiom sound "Tong kosong nyaring bunyinya"; people who likes talking are brainless, oh my God i really hate this kind of people. There are a lot of people among us are like this, so the question is, are you one of them?? please answer that in your heart and the only one to prove is not me or anybody else, but you then lets WRITE!

I am trying to write start with writing my life, my journey in life, it is interesting for me, and for my little family, so that my little family knows my history and my feelings. Because honestly, I am not good with expressing my feelings. My wife will nod many times and smiling after she read this, because that's so true. And I think it is one of her plan to make me expressing my feeling, and I know dear it is boring to hear me expressing my feelings so I hope you could enjoy my writing. Like I would do to the rest of the people is the world, I hope I can write to entertain people in the world and makes them smile, but now, starting from my closest person in life. And after writing my life, I would start to write about something serious, economic would be my choice. and please don't ask me when, i'll let you know when it is available on my blog. For now, i'll just write anything that cross my mind, and perhaps i could learn how to write in a good sequence.

Writing about yourself is like capturing a picture of you, when you see it sometimes in the future, it is like seeing an old pic and at the same time you can feel the feelings, but the feelings even felt stronger than seeing a picture, believe me. The difference is like when you are watching a movie-based-novel, i mean a movie produced based on a novel, the feelings you have is stronger when you are reading the novel than watching the movie. For example, Da Vinci Code, have ever watched the movie and please tell me the difference with its novel. Or have you ever watched Ayat Ayat Cinta (Indonesia Movie); and please tell me the difference with its novel. And those writing, we can use it as our mirror, reflexing ourselves, a facility to evaluate ourselves in the future.

And another thing that I like about writing is, it makes me realize how empty my brain is. When I want to start about writing something and I stuck, that means in that part of my brain of a specific field/topic is empty and I need to fill that with reading. So, writing push me to read. In order for me to explain something, i need to read about it, or experience it.

Oh, and another thing, do you feel any difficulties when talking to your parents? Or to your boss? Because I have. Whenever I want to explain something very important to them, it is very annoying cause we have a very limited of time, so we can not express all the things we have in our mind. Miss communication happens almost in every conversations we had, the possibility to occur is so often. The only thing we usually do is to minimize that possibillities. And for me, that possibility is huge, so I have to minimize that by learning to write anything and trying to write in a good sequence, and perhaps trying to speak more efficiently. So that, I could communicate better with people, especially my parents and my boss. But then, communication is two sided, so when we can maximize our side, then it is the matter of how the other side to accept it.

Do not worry if you don't have time for writing, or in very classique reason, busy; because let me tell you a good news, life is full of options, not limited with a, b, c, or d, but limitless. We just need to exploring every possible options we have. My life is as busy as everyone else, but i choose to still write. Let's write people. Let us write. Let ourselves to be heard.

Re-opening My Blog

The first time i opened my blog again, the first word came out from my mouth was "My God, i haven't write in almost three months!!" That's a very long time though while i feel i can do a lot of things in a day if i can wake up early in the morning. This is so getting away from the promise I made on last November.

A lot of things happened. And it is shameful that i can't tell all the stories. but I am trying to catch up this time, i'll try to remember wat i've missed.

One thing I remember the most from November and December was, I was starting my effort to pursue a master scholarship abroad. Why in the world I still want to pursue my master degree abroad?? nope, that's not the question really, we shud ask, WHY NOT? but actually, I have this obsession from my childhood that I really want to be a professor in one field of knowledge. I used to look up to Prof. Dr. Ing BJ Habibie, or Prof. Quraisy Shihab, that in my thought at that time, they were amazing that they have such understanding in one field of knowledge. And besides, it was my parents that in some way look to professors differently, i mean in a good way and somehow I think they are making this hypno-parenting thing like wat people do now to their children to make me believe that being a professor is a very good thing.

Ok, i know this would be a long journey although i wish it would not be that long. But i'll do my best to keep you in the loop of the story. The first effort I did was taken an IBT-TOEFL test. It was a hard decision, since it is pretty expensive for me and I really need money for my wife because she is pregnant and its almost her due date. I was having a second thought when I planned to take it, but I have one very convincing and strong wife who assured me how important it is. So without hesitation, I did go for it. I googled, and I found that if you want to take an IBT-TOEFL Test in Jakarta, the only place you can go is to look for ETS representative in Jakarta, then you can either subscribe through the website or direct at the office. There is no difference actually, the only difference is the method of payment. If you feel comfortable to pay with credit card, then you can directly subscribe through it's website, but if you dont, then you can go to the ETSrepresentative and buy somekind a voucher and you can subscribe through the email with that voucher. I did pay on November and I chose the test on 19th of December 2010 so I would still have some time to prepare.

I was scared since it is my first time to take IBT-Toefl. The last TOEFL I took was around six years ago, it was Paper-Based TOEFL. The IBT-Toefl has more comprehension test, the test includes 4 sections; reading comprehension, listening, speaking and writing. The first step i need to do was to find a preparation book. To find it in an official store here in Jakarta gonna be expensive, so ii need to google to find the free one. And lucky me, i found one and also my wife had one too. I have the book, then the next step i need to do was to spare some time for studying.

I didnt really have enough time for studying, but one thing that makes me very confident is, my wife and my son. I know i'd do anything for them. And there hey are, always standing beside me whenever I need them. Me, taking this test, is not going to be my future, it is going to be our future, my little family future.

On the day, 19th of Dec 2010, I woke up early in the morning, although i didnt sleep well on the night before. But having my mind remembered that this test is to pursue my obsession and my little family future, so I am so excited. In my mind, I have this imagination that the test was going to be in some kind like a special room for each test-taker since they have speaking test, so it’s going to be a chaos if they put al the test takers in the same room. But when I arrived there, I was so surprised that we are all as the test takers been put in the same room. The room was like a language laboratory. It was one disappointment.

But every test I took, I did it very smoothly.

And I know I might not get a very good result, because my effort was not above any other people. So let's wait for the result then!

(It's a lot to tell indeed, while i am having limited time. But i'll put you all in the loop from now on, and there is one story that made me a very happy person in the world above every one else, just hang there!)