What Is Your Goal In Life? (1)

9.42pm

I can't hold myself to write tonight. I know this could impede my live-healthy-plan schedule, since i have to sleep well for at least 6-7 hours, and tomorrow morning i have to do my exercise. By writing late, I could impede my health, i know the risk and believe me, what i am about to write, worth the risks.

Have you ever asked yourself, when you are alone, driving to your office or at bus going to your office, watching yourself in the bathroom's mirror, watching TV at night, and suddenly slip into your mind, what are your actual goal in life? Have you?

When this came to me, and I was in a very certain way answer to myself, I want to have a big happy family, living in a big house, many cars, and much money to spend. And the next 5 seconds, I am thinking again, REALLY? What a lame goal! everybody would have the same goal as mine. If that would be the goal for people in general, so reaching it wouldn't be hard. Be a good person, build a career, just follow the flow, then you will arrive at your goal. Just be patient and carefully live your life.

Is that what you really want? Asked me to myself. Is that what makes you happy in this life? Does that goal fulfill your heart?

When I am truly thinking my goal again, NAAHHH, that goal doesn't fulfill my heart. Because what I want to reach has no guarantee for me and my family to be safe in Qubur and hereafter. Life in this world is not the end right? Life in this world is just a transit, where we would have time only for sipping our coffee and buying a gift. So short. In addition, as a Muslim we believe that we are going to live eternally in the hereafter after waiting several years in Qubur when our credit of life is not long enough to wait for Qiyamat to come. So, live successfully in this world, having all the things we want, is not serving the word eternal.

Then I asked myself again, then what is the thing that can lead to the true and long-lasting happiness? To answer this question, I need to load some memory where I can find, who I really am in this world? All I know, I am just a poor human where my Creator (a.k.a Allah swt) ordered me to be a leader in this world (Khalifah/Vicegerent)-look to Al-Quran in Surah Al-Baqarah verse 30-*, generally speaking, and individually, Allah swt wants me to pray (Ibadah)-look to Al-Quran in Surah Adz-Dzariyat verse 56-*. It is a basic method where I thought that I can specify my goal by describing the Creator's beginning purpose in creating me. As one of the creations, I think it is very common if I could be thankful that I was created and Allah swt as the creator gave me the chance to live in this world. Then comes to the thinking of the purpose of my creation, what is that I have to do in return? As I said earlier, Allah swt clearly describes in the Al-Quran that Allah swt created human to be Khalifah in this world and for us to pray. I think this is my goal. Khalifah and Ibadah.

But the goal is not that simple. In order for us to be Khalifah and to pray, we need a guidance. Because without guidance, we would harm others. And without understanding the manual book, we might push the wrong button and will make a massive destruction. And Alhamdulillah Allah swt did not leave us blank, Allah swt gave us Al-Quran to be the absolute guidance, meaning everything and everyone should take Al-Quran as their guidance, no other way. Since the knowledge of the Creator is imbalance with the creations, so the Creator needs to send a Messenger to clarify and translate Allah swt words into humanly language. This is where our lovely prophet had his part. But still, we have some problems, since the time gap is so huge between our era and to the era when Rasulullah saw lived, so we need to be sure the validity of the Hadits. Whether it is truly said by our prophet Muhammad saw or not. Whether the hadits is truly the actions of Rasulullah saw or not, and whether it is truly the approval of Companion's actions and expressions by Rasulullah saw. And as an addition, since human is so complex and developing, we might need the opinion of some truthful scholars to provide us with Ijma' Opinions based on Al-Quran and Hadits. Can you see? The goal is not that simple. Learning Al-Quran could be a life learning, looking for the best translations and try to correlate Al-Quran and Hadits (a.k.a As-Sunnah). Searching the hadits which categorized by scholars as Shahih. Also learning from what scholars have agreed upon matters where Hadits was not clearly describe it or even Hadits was not mention it at all.

And, jump into temporary conclusion that is my goal in life is to be Khalifah and exclusively Ibadah.

*Allah swt said regarding Khalifah: "And when thy Lord said unto the angels: Lo! I am about to place a representative (vicegerent) on the earth, they said: Wilt thou place therein one who will do harm therein and will shed blood, while we, we hymn Thy praise and sanctify Thee ? He said: Surely I know that which ye know not." (Al- Baqarah, 2:30)

*Allah swt said regarding Ibadah: "I did not create the Jinn and the humans but to ya'bodoon (submit to me)." (Adz-Dzariyat:56)

PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL

It's been weeks I haven't visit my blog again. Lately I've been busy politicize my career. Working my ass to get out from this black hole I've been riding in, but the question which has been disturbing me lately is, Am I truly going out from the black hole or in fact getting into another black hole???!!!

I have told you the story why I don't like the place I work in rite now right, and I did mention a little bit about performance appraisal in my office. Honestly I am not satisfied with what I wrote, since it is not clearly describe it and I am sure you people didn't get the whole picture I am trying to send you. So I am making this one as a single topic to discuss, so I can getting out all of the complaints in my heart, which is full of injustice.

From Wikipedia perspective, 'Performance Appraisal' is a method by which the job performance of an employee is evaluated (generally in terms of quality, quantity, cost, and time) typically by the corresponding manager or supervisor. The aim of 'Performance Appraisal' is : to give employees feedback on their performance, identify employee training needs, document criteria to allocate organizational rewards, form a basis for personnel decisions (salary increases, bonuses, etc), provide the opportunity for organizational diagnosis and development, facilitate communication between employee and administration, to improve performance through counseling, coaching and development.

From my simple perspective, 'Performance Appraisal' is a method and process to evaluate the whole performance of an employee during one period by the corresponding supervisor or manager based on employee's duties and responsibilities with the main aim of getting feedback about employee's performance and basis for personnel decisions.

Now what I am witnessing and experiencing here, is unlike my perspective. It is far from what i have thought about 'Performance Appraisal'.

Let me give you the clear picture, we are starting our 'Performance Appraisal' by filling in an Appraisal form from our HR Division, this paper consists a lot of points of evaluation which we have to fill in by ourselves. And then, this paper would be forwarded to our supervisor to be approved and going directly to manager and head of our division. If it is getting its approval then we could get according to what we filled in the first place. but mostly, we never get what we actually deserved.

The paper-filling session is some kind like an effort to make it looks official. But the actual "Performance Appraisal" is when the management decides what is the achievement of every unit in the company, whether they achieved the target or not and the next process is, every head will leave it to the supervisor or the manager how to spread this achievement every unit got to every staff in their unit. The achievement will be measured in terms of 'BS = Excellent', 'B = Good', 'CB = Fair' and 'KB = Poor'. And, each achievement will have a range of points, for example; BS=8.5-10, B=7-8.4, CB=5.5-6.9, KB=<5.5 Are you with me?

Okay here we go, let say one unit will get a 'B' at a point of 7,5. Now this 7,5 has to be the average of 10 people inside that unit. This means, each people will get their 'cake' of 7,5 inside that unit. and mathematically, if somebody is selfish enough to get an 8,5, i don't know, maybe he/she thinks that he/she deserved to get promoted faster than anybody else inside that unit don't care to its team, as long his/her ass is get tighter and the others is getting knocked down; so there must be somebody get 6,5. And my guess is the only person who has this authority is Mr. Supervisor or Mr. Manager. The worse thing is, each one inside that unit would never know somebody else's achievement, to hide what Mr. Supervisor or Mr. Manager did to his/her subordinates. When somebody asking questions about the achievement, Mr. Supervisor or Mr. Manager will not be satisfied, and when they are not satisfied with you, be prepare for the next 'Performance Appraisal' to get even worse with what you get this year. What a fuc**** system! Owww, and one thing very funny, Mr. Supervisor or Mr. Manager will never answer your question when you are questioning why did you get your achievement, they will give you straight answer, it comes from the head, that it is not my decision. If you don't believe me, please look at your supervisor or your manager, if their career keeps running while you are stuck at your place, voila! It doesn't means that you have to dig it out and find the truth, just go somewhere else to find a better place to get a gold.

You must be asking, and how the hell Mr. Supervisor get his achievement? Dear readers, the achievement will be given in someway of hierarchy, the staff will be judged by his/her supervisor, the supervisor will be judged by his/her manager, manager will be judges by his/her head of division, etc. Its fair in a perspective that the judgment is made only in one level of hierarchy for the reason of how well the supervisor knows his/her staff or how well the manager knows the supervisor. But still, those judgments has to be based on the achievements of a unit.And when a supervisor is getting his achievement, usually Mr. Manager will ask all of the staffs feedback about this supervisor, how well this supervisor supervised his/her unit. But still, the decision is in Mr. Manager's hand, for the supervisor achievement. Now can you see the weakness? When one decision would be leaved to one person, so where is the control?! the staff's achievement would be judged by his/her supervisor, the supervisor achievement would be judged by his/her manager, and the manager would be judged by his/her head of division. All of those judgments will be based on the achievement a unit got from the wisdom of the head, and the division would get its achievement from the wisdom of management. Now once again where is the control?! Is the head of division wise enough to see how hard each of his staff worked? Is the management wise enough to see how hard its staffs worked? If the achievement is based on how target is achieved annually, in my opinion isn't that not suitable if it is used for the operation staff. It might be useful for the marketing staff, but not the operation. Instead of making a judgment for one group, for efficient and effective reason, don't the management should think another way in making a "Performance Appraisal" for the operation staff individually. The current 'Performance Appraisal" might be useful for the marketing staff only, but not for the operation staff! Because no matter how hard the operation staff would have worked, it might be unseen if it is measured in term of achievement. And by the way, how in the world the management could control the objectivity of one person of making "Performance Appraisal" decision for his/her staff unless there is a control system from management to make sure that this "Performance Appraisal" is served its needs especially in making personnel decision (promotion, further training, bonus, etc).

So, this so called "Performance Appraisal" is so subjective, not fair. I suggest management to change the system if they still want to have loyalty from their employees. Get a fairer 'Performance Appraisal' system. Especially this 'Performance Appraisal' is the only thing company has for personnel matter decision (bonuses, promotion, etc). Because believe it or not, based on my rough forecast, Indonesian people especially your staff is not that stupid and the economic is getting better by 6,5% development would create a lot more job opportunity in the future. So, in the next future, every company will fight for a better quality of Human Resources. Just want to remind you guys in those 'high' chair inside the company, your system is obsoleted and you are loosing a lot of high quality man you got!

Let Me Introduce You, Mice Community!

Once upon time in a very far metropolitan city were living a community of Mice. As we all know, Mouse is a very intelligent and diligent animal to find foods. (Are they? hush, this is my blog, I can make any story and description I want). And unlike human, they support each other like family. But, all mice here, they almost like human. On which part, so let's just hear the story then. I have many stories to tell and i will tell you in series, but first of all in this blog, we need to know all the actors and actresses.

Let me introduce you to the actors and actress:

Mr.Fatty-Ass Mouse : He is the leader. Always corrupt, exploit subordinates, never do his job unless urgent, got no brain (you'll never know why he could be the leader), has s joker face; in front of his subordinates always looks smiley and nice, but never being supportive to his subordinates, when it comes to performance evaluation; he could looked like an angel in front of the Big Boss so he always got straight A's, while his subordinates get straight C's, always giving hope that he actually realized it is impossible, full of foxy politics to save his ass. Physically; he is using a bad-look glasses, big smile (like a joker), fatty ass and fat belly, white teeth and fair skin, overall: terribly Ugly.

Mr.Licking-Fatty-Ass Mouse : Okay, this one is huge. His body size is almost double every normal mouse size. And about his personality, i don't have much word to describe, he is a very good bootlicker. He is Mr. Fatty-Ass Mouse accomplice. All the information regarding the Big Boss, comes from his mouth.

Mr.News-Anchor-Mouse : This guy actually is the key to Mice Community, because he is the sales guy. He sells what Mice have. But rather being a sales man, he is being a news anchor. He rarely moves his ass from his chair, he is monitoring online news for almost 12 work-hours, and while he is monitoring the news, he tells mice around him and start making stories up about his life, related to the news in order to make him looks very good and very intelligent. He is is one of the reasons the sales graphic in Mice Community is going down. Once it comes to performance evaluation, he never gets D since he is Fatty-Ass Mouse best friend. Physically; heavy-smoker look, almost dark teeth, quiet fat-belly, and thin gray hair.

Mr.So-Exist Mouse : Oh this Mouse is interesting. He is so active in selling the Mice Community product. He is a sales man like News-Anchor Mouse, but this one is almost on the contrary of News-Anchor Mouse. He is very active, he is mobile, and he likes shopping so much. He has many friends, and whenever he is, the surroundings could be fun. But, he doesn't really care to his friends, how his friend support him. As long he could achieve the target, could satisfy his customers, and could have fun with his friends, the world seems perfect to him then he will just go home smiling to his family at the end of the day. and somehow, he is not good with technology. He is in between of generations native digital and digital immigrant. Physically; he is using fine glasses, neat and tidy look, a little bit fat, and standard height.

Mr. Navvy Mouse : This mouse never done any heavy work, but the mental is almost like a navvy. He likes money. Everybody does, but he likes it just more. In his everyday life, everything else doesn't matter, one matter does; Money! He doesn't say thank you or please, seems his parents never taught him to do so. An ace wanna be. Mr. Fatty-Ass mouse doesn't like him Physically; he has body builder look, got good eyes, a smoker, and dressed plainly.

Mrs. Nouvelles Mouse : She is a new comer to the community, lucky her, i don't have many words to describe her. She is tiny and small, the only girl in the community (hardly to believe that this community has one). Currently keep asking about each one in the community, getting to know every one of them. (I'll update her profile soon enough).

Mr. Runner Mouse : This mouse is really nice until it's really hard for him to say no to the others. Always be the victim of Mr. Fatty-Ass Mouse. Working hard at the beginning while never gets appreciation until force him to be an ordinary guy with an ordinary work flow. Got a huge dream to pursue. Never focus to work, since always has a life project to do, getting away from the community. He likes to read, he likes to study, and he likes to write. physically; neat and tidy look, and a little bit fatty.

Mr. Thin-Tank Mouse : Technology mouse, he repairs all computers in Mice community. Yes man typical. The second victim of Mr. Fatty-Ass Mouse. Always being asked by Mr. Fatty-Ass Mouse to do a lot of almost impossible job in history to cover his fatty ass.

Taking Master Abroad, Getaway VS Pursuing Life's Objectives

Up til now, it is difficult for me to answer this question. Getting my master degree abroad recently, it is my life objectives or it's just my getaway ticket from my miserable work place.

I have my clear obsession to pursue my master and Phd abroad. I have a strong will to do that, and I won't stop until I could get my Phd, and standing on a podium being a professor. With this explanation, probably all of you would say, actually you did answer your question. But my heart says, it is not.

It's not the matter of I'm not proud to what I do, that is exactly not true. I am so proud of what I do, but the environment where I work is actually the problem. In my simple mind, and from a very simple thought, that people go to work, beside getting money; which is the utmost important to people, the first reason for people to getup early in the morning is to fulfill their basic needs, is for people to grow and making improvement in order to; if you think about it a little bit farther, at the end perhaps you will get the same conclusion with me; in order to fulfill people's needs and wants.

Now, at my work place, I am not experiencing this thing, getting myself improved. And also, there are bad habits that they are introducing to me.

Some people might say, you should be thankful you do have a job in Jakarta, it is really hard to find one there. But that is not my objective, I don't go to college just to get a job, I go to college because I have a lot bigger dreams than just getting a high paying job, which is not happening to me either. I want to make a change in this world, in Indonesia, In Jakarta and for Islam.

In a process to pursue my goal, I can't just stay here, swallowing a lot of bad behavior to me. Getting late everyday, ignoring control to subordinates; whenever something happens the superior will then just start thinking, no job description; so superior can just instruct anything to you without any consideration as long it is getting done, never discuss any new regulation; everything just goes as it is, do not make a report as what it is; always being hectic to find a way in order to make that report looks very good to the big boss and terrifically the big boss never do the control part, each one at the office tries to looks good to the superior; instead of being supportive to be a good team, superior can just take-off from the office or take a leave whenever they need to, etc. So, tell me people, is this a healthy environment for you to grow?

And i know what you might say, welcome to Jakarta and to the real life. This is exactly what we have to survive from. So pathetic!

I think, I might say, yes, I want to take my master degree abroad as a getaway ticket for me from the place I work now and in a process to pursue my goal to make a change in this pathetic world. So then, i would know for sure, deep down in my heart, my real motivation for taking my master degree.

One thing I have to be thankful to right now is, my work place taught me to be tough and to open my eyes that the environment I live in right now is pathetic. So God, please help me getting my ticket.

The Truth VS Looking Good

This topic is so huge at the Indonesian market, I mean almost all the people i knew, they do this. They prefer telling something in someway for one purpose; make that something looks very good on another's perspective. For example: i am sure everyone has done this before; people tends to say "That looks good on you!" when people that you know ask about their new outfit, although deep down in your heart literally you are saying "Oh my God, she/he looks terrible using that outfit." And we don't have the gut to say he truth. That is a very simple example, now can you imagine if that thing might blend in our culture, just because you feel bad to say the truth then the nightmare is now you don't really know when is people tell you the truth or not.

In the family level, when you are telling something to your family in a purpose to make something look good not the truth, at the end of the process it will be okay. Because its family, no matter what you do, you are still part of the family. But always remember this, once you tell your family or other people not the truth, they will create some kind like a BAD perception about yourself, and it is very hard to change that perception.

In the level of friendship, which happens a lot, almost everyday until each one of us needs a best friend. because a best friend will strike you with the truth no matter what. But in my opinion, being a friend supposedly obliged us to tell the truth. But the reality tells that our people do not do that, i am not sure that people actually avoiding conflict, or it is just a habit. But the truth is, this behavior will either hurt you or your friend.

It happens with me a lot, almost everyday, that's why I write this down. Because I feel that this behavior hurt me a lot.

Its been 2 weeks and I haven't finish this post. I think its best for me to start this blogging thing with writing my feelings and my thought and create a good title, rather than finding the topic first and i write about it. its boring.

I Was Mistaken

My dear mind, i am so sorry i was misleading you. At the second time i opened and read my blog carefully, do you know what i've just realized? The last time I wrote, which was the only one entry of the blog, was on November 2009. Can you calculate how many months I missed my life???!! Oh my God!! I feel so bad about this to myself, because I promised to myself that I would write. I feel so sad, because i am the kind of a guy who treats every moment in my life as a memorable one, since I can't turn back time, no turning back, even one split second. I was mistaken that I missed to write for a year and three months and I have to make this right. I have to write.

Did I ever tell you why writing is really important for me?? Beside the turning back time reason, I have several reason that makes me believe that writing is a huge important.

Do you know what is the difference between smart people and the fool one? I know, everybody is smart, because we are all the same in terms of God creatures, God creates us the same. But some people is exploring their mind above the other's effort. That's what I called a smart people. Now, do you know what is the difference between them? For me, i would never know whether someone is smart or not if I don't see their writing. Because writing is some kind like a translation from your brain language, it is what do you have in your brain. Now, we've seen some people is really good in speaking. When people is really good in speaking but they are not writing, its reminded me of, in Indonesia we have this idiom sound "Tong kosong nyaring bunyinya"; people who likes talking are brainless, oh my God i really hate this kind of people. There are a lot of people among us are like this, so the question is, are you one of them?? please answer that in your heart and the only one to prove is not me or anybody else, but you then lets WRITE!

I am trying to write start with writing my life, my journey in life, it is interesting for me, and for my little family, so that my little family knows my history and my feelings. Because honestly, I am not good with expressing my feelings. My wife will nod many times and smiling after she read this, because that's so true. And I think it is one of her plan to make me expressing my feeling, and I know dear it is boring to hear me expressing my feelings so I hope you could enjoy my writing. Like I would do to the rest of the people is the world, I hope I can write to entertain people in the world and makes them smile, but now, starting from my closest person in life. And after writing my life, I would start to write about something serious, economic would be my choice. and please don't ask me when, i'll let you know when it is available on my blog. For now, i'll just write anything that cross my mind, and perhaps i could learn how to write in a good sequence.

Writing about yourself is like capturing a picture of you, when you see it sometimes in the future, it is like seeing an old pic and at the same time you can feel the feelings, but the feelings even felt stronger than seeing a picture, believe me. The difference is like when you are watching a movie-based-novel, i mean a movie produced based on a novel, the feelings you have is stronger when you are reading the novel than watching the movie. For example, Da Vinci Code, have ever watched the movie and please tell me the difference with its novel. Or have you ever watched Ayat Ayat Cinta (Indonesia Movie); and please tell me the difference with its novel. And those writing, we can use it as our mirror, reflexing ourselves, a facility to evaluate ourselves in the future.

And another thing that I like about writing is, it makes me realize how empty my brain is. When I want to start about writing something and I stuck, that means in that part of my brain of a specific field/topic is empty and I need to fill that with reading. So, writing push me to read. In order for me to explain something, i need to read about it, or experience it.

Oh, and another thing, do you feel any difficulties when talking to your parents? Or to your boss? Because I have. Whenever I want to explain something very important to them, it is very annoying cause we have a very limited of time, so we can not express all the things we have in our mind. Miss communication happens almost in every conversations we had, the possibility to occur is so often. The only thing we usually do is to minimize that possibillities. And for me, that possibility is huge, so I have to minimize that by learning to write anything and trying to write in a good sequence, and perhaps trying to speak more efficiently. So that, I could communicate better with people, especially my parents and my boss. But then, communication is two sided, so when we can maximize our side, then it is the matter of how the other side to accept it.

Do not worry if you don't have time for writing, or in very classique reason, busy; because let me tell you a good news, life is full of options, not limited with a, b, c, or d, but limitless. We just need to exploring every possible options we have. My life is as busy as everyone else, but i choose to still write. Let's write people. Let us write. Let ourselves to be heard.

Re-opening My Blog

The first time i opened my blog again, the first word came out from my mouth was "My God, i haven't write in almost three months!!" That's a very long time though while i feel i can do a lot of things in a day if i can wake up early in the morning. This is so getting away from the promise I made on last November.

A lot of things happened. And it is shameful that i can't tell all the stories. but I am trying to catch up this time, i'll try to remember wat i've missed.

One thing I remember the most from November and December was, I was starting my effort to pursue a master scholarship abroad. Why in the world I still want to pursue my master degree abroad?? nope, that's not the question really, we shud ask, WHY NOT? but actually, I have this obsession from my childhood that I really want to be a professor in one field of knowledge. I used to look up to Prof. Dr. Ing BJ Habibie, or Prof. Quraisy Shihab, that in my thought at that time, they were amazing that they have such understanding in one field of knowledge. And besides, it was my parents that in some way look to professors differently, i mean in a good way and somehow I think they are making this hypno-parenting thing like wat people do now to their children to make me believe that being a professor is a very good thing.

Ok, i know this would be a long journey although i wish it would not be that long. But i'll do my best to keep you in the loop of the story. The first effort I did was taken an IBT-TOEFL test. It was a hard decision, since it is pretty expensive for me and I really need money for my wife because she is pregnant and its almost her due date. I was having a second thought when I planned to take it, but I have one very convincing and strong wife who assured me how important it is. So without hesitation, I did go for it. I googled, and I found that if you want to take an IBT-TOEFL Test in Jakarta, the only place you can go is to look for ETS representative in Jakarta, then you can either subscribe through the website or direct at the office. There is no difference actually, the only difference is the method of payment. If you feel comfortable to pay with credit card, then you can directly subscribe through it's website, but if you dont, then you can go to the ETSrepresentative and buy somekind a voucher and you can subscribe through the email with that voucher. I did pay on November and I chose the test on 19th of December 2010 so I would still have some time to prepare.

I was scared since it is my first time to take IBT-Toefl. The last TOEFL I took was around six years ago, it was Paper-Based TOEFL. The IBT-Toefl has more comprehension test, the test includes 4 sections; reading comprehension, listening, speaking and writing. The first step i need to do was to find a preparation book. To find it in an official store here in Jakarta gonna be expensive, so ii need to google to find the free one. And lucky me, i found one and also my wife had one too. I have the book, then the next step i need to do was to spare some time for studying.

I didnt really have enough time for studying, but one thing that makes me very confident is, my wife and my son. I know i'd do anything for them. And there hey are, always standing beside me whenever I need them. Me, taking this test, is not going to be my future, it is going to be our future, my little family future.

On the day, 19th of Dec 2010, I woke up early in the morning, although i didnt sleep well on the night before. But having my mind remembered that this test is to pursue my obsession and my little family future, so I am so excited. In my mind, I have this imagination that the test was going to be in some kind like a special room for each test-taker since they have speaking test, so it’s going to be a chaos if they put al the test takers in the same room. But when I arrived there, I was so surprised that we are all as the test takers been put in the same room. The room was like a language laboratory. It was one disappointment.

But every test I took, I did it very smoothly.

And I know I might not get a very good result, because my effort was not above any other people. So let's wait for the result then!

(It's a lot to tell indeed, while i am having limited time. But i'll put you all in the loop from now on, and there is one story that made me a very happy person in the world above every one else, just hang there!)